2014 World Cup Opening Ceremony: An Opposite Lock Review

"Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif" (lumpy44) 06/12/2014 at 15:23 • Filed to: World Cup

6

10

Was trying to find a stream of Le Mans qualifying and stumbled across the World Cup Opening Ceremony stream put on by a Scottish TV station. Here is my review using !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

Exterior 8/10

Turn on the stream to see the beautiful sun in the outdoor stadium, instantly hoping for a bikini filled ceremony as I close the office door.

Interior 5/10

A lot of chubby Brazilians waving their arms around, looks like the Brazilan 1%. Everyone seems real far from the centre of the stadium, out of sniper range I guess.

Acceleration 2/10

It pretty much stayed in 1st gear pace the entire performance, J-Lo and another Brazilian lady came out which may have pushed me into overdrive but then Pitbull in capri's then surfaced and it threw into reverse.

Braking 9/10

It literally just stopped once J-Lo finished her song that I don't think was in English. Nothing did seems to break though, suck that Sochi and Vancouver.

Ride 10/10

Because J-Lo's legs. A ride any man would like.

Handling 1/10

The Scottish narrators couldn't figure out anything being said and I don't think had a clue what was happening. All this confusion led to a ton of laughter that my co-workers did not handle well. (See what I did there?)

Gearbox 9/10

Pitbull is always a huge gearbox, only surpassed by BMW drivers and Coldplay.

Audio 3/10

All three points are from the Scottish announcers who accents keep things light along with the fact they were confused.

Vuvuzelas though, this could be a long month.

Toys 7/10

Lots of little kids doing "aerobics" as the Scottish fellas called them, and a pretty cool round video screen at the center of the stadium. J-Lo also had a lot of side-boob today which is always nice.

Value 6/10

Cost me nothing and entertained for an hour, usually have to put peanut butter at the end of a Pringles can and watch my dog derp his way into getting it out by chewing the can into smithereens.

Total 60/100

Engine: Naturally aspriate, Vuvuzela powered V8

Transmission: Probably a lot of Trannys, yupp.

0-60 Time: 1.4 hours until 60 murders are reached in Sao Paulo

Top Speed: Whatever meth amphetamine produced in a Favela's

Drivetrain: Hooligans will drive a train into opposing fans at least once

Seating: Plastic, excellent for hitting opposing fans or adding to riot fires

MPG: Really running out of references here, but likely 35 MPG (Missing people per game)

Enjoy the Cup!!!

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif 06/12/2014 at 15:27

1

slow clap

For Sweden > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif 06/12/2014 at 15:31

1

Considering half of Brazil lives in Miami, Pitbull was a good choice for the ceremony.

thebigbossyboss > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif 06/12/2014 at 15:34

1

Brilliance.

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif 06/12/2014 at 15:44

1

Meanwhile in Porto Alegre, a minor riot broke out at the city center and several buildings, most of them belonging to world cup sponsorts, were depredated. Some shit was burned as well.

The Revengel > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif 06/12/2014 at 15:45

0

Impressive. Are the Vuvuzelas turbo'd?

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > For Sweden 06/12/2014 at 15:47

0

Bhaahaha, true.

Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif > The Revengel 06/12/2014 at 15:51

1

The twin turbo no one ever wanted, just like this machine

thebigbossyboss > BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion 06/12/2014 at 15:51

0

Hopefully it was mostly priuses that got burned.

The Revengel > Lumpy44, Proprietor Of Fine Gif 06/12/2014 at 15:53

1

BiTurbo reference?

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > thebigbossyboss 06/13/2014 at 00:45

0

I don't think they sell the Prius in Brazil...